There's this place in Mounds View I've been wanting to try since this past spring. The issue, however, is that it's an hour bike ride away. Because I was still with Kath back in spring, I asked her if she wanted to try it with me sometime. I even threw in that this place in Mounds View, a twenty minute car trip away, had buffalo chicken sandwiches and buffalo chicken fries and multiple flavors of tres leches. Basically all the things she lives for. Alas, we never went because reasons, and this weekend, being single now, I figured that if I was ever going to try this place, I was going to have to go by myself.
Seventy minutes away.
On a bicycle.
And wherefore would I, the writer of Sandwich Bully, want to try this place so bad?
Because this place decided on this name.
The fuck you just say to me?
It was an unseasonably warm Saturday for October, like pushing ninety, so I packed a bottle of water, pumped up my bike tires, and put the newest episode of Junk Food Supper on my headphones, and headed north. Past one of the billion fucking Silver Lakes we have around here...
OK, so maybe there are only three of them. Around here, anyway.
... and then Long Lake, which I think this is the second one I've been to. For being proud of being the Land of Ten Thousand Lakes, Minnesota sure is fucking lazy about lake naming.
I get there and the place is busy but not boppin' and the staff are super fucking friendly and I order The Monster, the sandwich I've been getting twitchy over since spring. You know why I've been getting twitchy? Because it's priced at $11.29 and is listed on the menu as
Chopped gyro meat, grilled onion, Philly seasoning, cheese, tzatziki sauce, lettuce
You get what that means, right? They married a gyro to a cheesesteak. You think I'm not going to get that? Would you not get that? I have to know what this is. Don't you want to know what this is? I'll show you what this is:
Naturally, I got mine without the lettuce.
"So, how was the sandwich, Charlie?"
The meat was tender and the tzatziki was the kitty's titties (you know I love me some tzatziki), having that nice cooling effect and bright flavor to contrast the hot and savory meat. The grilled onions were sweet. The bread was a little big and still didn't hold the sandwich together that well (I was able to finish off the fallen out bits with a plastic fork) and the cheese could have been melted into the meat a little better but these are both structural complaints, they had no impact on the flavor.
But the big question: Was it worth biking seventy minutes there and seventy minutes back? Mmm... It was good but this is kind of a Detello's situation. I will absolutely go back there if I can get a ride. One thousand percent I will go back if I can get that ride. But biking there and back? I won't do that again. It was nice that it was uphill on the way there so it was downhill most of the way back but, still, guy, come on.
If they open a Minneapolis location, I will go broke, I'll say that.
If you're in Mounds View - first of all, what is there to do there?
If you're in Mounds View - first of all, what is there to do there?
Wait. Let me start over.
If you're in Mounds View or are going to Mounds View for some reas- Like really, what is there to do there besides Sandwich King? What reason does anybody have for going to Mounds View that isn't going to Sandwich King? Because I Google Imaged Mounds View and, dude, for real, I mean... OK, we can get through this sentence without bashing this tiny hamlet, right?
[deep breath]
If you're in Mounds View or going to Mounds View, I would encourage you to give Sandwich King your money. And if you went to Mounds View for a reason unrelated to Sandwich King, can you tell me why you went there? What was the attraction? What was the draw? Because, for the life of me, I can't figure out why anybody would go to Mounds View aside from going there for Sandwich King.
Oh and also, are you really the King if you can't make the Bully bike to you a second time? I would suggest you check your hubris, "King", lest you forgot the fate of Zetta's. However, Zetta's skimped on prosciutto. Sandwich King makes a fat fucking sandwich. Go (to Mounds View and) give them your money. Maybe pick me up on your way there.
Comments
Post a Comment