OK, we don't have that much to get through but we have enough to get through and I got a full docket of shit I have t live through over the next few days. Thus, without further ado...
All Square, 21 August 2019
Sue in Reception wanted to try this place and I was going to be in the neighborhood after some diversity training called "Racial Equity Training" at which I was outed as a dirty commie because I refused to let go of the idea that race is not a concept exclusive of gender and sexuality constructs but then the curriculum was designed by capitalists and set everyone up to ignore that capitalism is the disease, especially some of the management sympathizers bootlickers and Kyle from Info, who I thought was a decent bloke, decided to come for my ass in front of the whole seminar all, "Well, management is having an open forum next week, I think. If Charlie's feeling brave enough, he can bring these issues up to them." Fuck you, you prematurely-bald no-pussy-eating fuck; go collect another Super Mario Funko Pop, I'm sure that'll help your other nut to descend.
ANYhoo, All Square do gourmet grilled cheeses (I know) and I looked over the menu and decided that I wasn't going to pay - well, you remember my diatribe about being defeated by overpriced grilled cheeses. I looked over the menu and decided that if I was going to spend more than two dollars on anything from All Square, it was going to be the BBQ pulled pork and coleslaw with cheddar on (what I think was) sourdough.
The meat was sweet and tender, the coleslaw was crisp but I don't recall a lot of flavor. As I get older, I find that cheddar is a finicky cheese and you need the right brand for it to make any sort of impact. (Let us all remember the quantity of cheeseburgers we've opted to get cheddar on over the years where the cheddar made no difference.) The (what I think was) sourdough was crispy and buttery. The greens on the side? It just came with those and, like any place in MPLS, it was doused in some sort of fruity vinaigrette.
The food's good and All Square help "people impacted by the justice system" which, at first glance, sounds like "inmates" but really think about all the people that can be negatively impacted by the justice system that never have to see the inside of a cell. I think their help extends to employment but I''d bet there are community programs and such. I can't be sure, I just clicked four different things on their website and I just - I...
The meat was sweet and tender, the coleslaw was crisp but I don't recall a lot of flavor. As I get older, I find that cheddar is a finicky cheese and you need the right brand for it to make any sort of impact. (Let us all remember the quantity of cheeseburgers we've opted to get cheddar on over the years where the cheddar made no difference.) The (what I think was) sourdough was crispy and buttery. The greens on the side? It just came with those and, like any place in MPLS, it was doused in some sort of fruity vinaigrette.
The food's good and All Square help "people impacted by the justice system" which, at first glance, sounds like "inmates" but really think about all the people that can be negatively impacted by the justice system that never have to see the inside of a cell. I think their help extends to employment but I''d bet there are community programs and such. I can't be sure, I just clicked four different things on their website and I just - I...
¯\
Anyway, go give them your money. The food's good and the cause is righteous.Zetta's, 22 August 2019
OH, REALLY, MOTHERFUCKERS!?
WELCOME TO MOTHERFUCKING SANDWICH. BULLY.
You can't put that sign out in my neighborhood and expect me to not consider the gauntlet thrown. Motherfuckers, you're in my house. You can't just sneak up in the Bully's backyard proclaiming you're the best; are you on fucking fentanyl?
No, you earn your rank here in Sammyland. Let's begin.
Well, first of all, Zetta, if that is your real name, you score points for volume.
This thing was the size of a fucking birthday cake, something I remarked out loud.
I got the Number Five, listed as
flatbread + ricotta + prosciutto + tomato + arugula + pesto
The flatbread was warm and soft but not chewy, the made-in-house ricotta was creamy in texture with a mild flavor, all the veggies were crisp. However, and y'all know this about me, I could have used more pesto (which I'm also under the impression is made-in-house) because I could always use more pesto. It's the kind of thing I'm afraid to dock points for if I don't get enough because - and even Kathryn will tell you - I'm a pesto boy. If you tell me there's pesto, I expect a lot of pesto.
No no no, it's like this: Imagine pesto. Now imagine a lot of it. OK, your bullshit mortal idea of what constitutes "a lot" of pesto still isn't half of what I would consider a lot of pesto.
But then there's my gripe that feels legitimately legit:
There was only one slice of prosciutto on this motherfucker.
I mean, I get it: Prosciutto isn't cheap but if all you can afford is one slice of prosciutto per sandwich, then maybe take it off the menu. I don't talk shit like that often but, for real, I mean... Look, there's one. slice. of prosciutto buried under six feet of arugula. At that point, and I'm really talking shit here, if I taste anything about the prosciutto, it's the upcharge.
I'm not writing them off yet, I might try the bacon and tomato jam flatbread.
Ichiddo, 23 August 2019
Kath wasn't feeling good and after playing a couple of rounds of "I Don't Know, What Do You Want To Eat?", it was decided that we would go get her her takoyaki. This picture is not takoyaki. Takoyaki are adorable little dumplings with fried octopodes inside. This is the fried chicken bun, listed on the menu as
steamed bun, lettuce, fried chicken, Japanese mayo, house made sauce
And it's better than Popeye's chicken sandwich.
No, that's really the end of this portion off the review. It's better than Popeye's. What else do you want me to say? It's a fried chicken sandwich. It's not even all that particularly Japanese. It's a three dollar fried chicken sandwich found on the appetizer portion of the menu.
Oh, you want me to do that thing where I go, "But the real ____________ was the ____________," right? Well, no, it's a fried chicken sandwich and it's better than Popeye's. There's literally nothing else worth saying about it.
Honorable Mention
Kath wanted to treat me to dinner last night (24 August 2019) and took me to the Blue Door Longfellow, where somebody took the time to thoughtfully curate a playlist of eighties new wave sleeper hits but you couldn't hear it over the twenty foot ceilings, hardwood floors, and floor-to-ceiling windows reflecting everybody's conversations. They were doing a lobster roll for the special but I opted for one of their Blucys (their themed takes on the Jucy Lucy). It was dece but I haven't eaten ground beef in so long that it had me a little fucked up. Maybe I should have gone with the lobster roll. Otherwise, nothing to get too excited over.
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