SANDWICH BULLY

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June 27, 2022

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I've never had my sandwich cut in any way except in half on the diagonal.

handy-dandy chart

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Desperate End-Of-Winter Slump Post

Well, I told you back in December that I was taking the coldest months off and then that El Niño just kept trucking through January until we had a polar vortex (on my fucking birthday) and I had to tighten the old belt around then (figuratively and literally; I'm down to fourteen stone - no, you look it up) and then all the bad winter shit decided to hit during February with just one snow storm after another. But pitchers are reporting for spring training and it's no different here at the offices *snort* of Sandwich Bully , so drag out the tees and wiffle bats , because we're just going to - Wait. If there's a tee, then we've fucked up our metaphor about pitchers reporting and... Well, shit, it's not like you haven't read this train wreck before. Let's just kick the shit out of some chain franchises. Keep in mind these are just the ones I've been to. I know somebody's going to crawl up my ass and die be...

The Sandwich Bully Tries It At Home: "The 'Anthony Bourdain' Sandwich", 25 July 2024... But First, A Lightning Round

Who the fu- Who - Who... This place looks like shit. Jesus wept, I knew I forgot to turn the lights off before I left but look at this fucking place. All fucked up, memes and screenshots and shit laying all over the place. I can't be proud of this. What the fuck is this? An empty bottle of antacids? Jesus, I haven't had to take these in nearly a year. What the fuck has been goi- Oh! Hello, meine kleine tyrannjugend! Pardon the mess! [kicks severed hand under the copier] See, I've been gone since like a year and a half ago and according to my... [checks notes] That's right, I said I was done forever so I left nobody in charge. Meanwhile, all our old friends like Irrationally Upset Over New Arby's Menu Items Donny Osmond and Lettuce From PhoneShop... ... have just been hanging out, probably not making babies because, well, this joke is already going too far so let's just - What's that? Where have I been for the last year and a half? Why, mon frer, mo...

Firehouse Subs, 31 August 2024

Oh, OK, no, wait, I hear you, really, I do. You think you can't believe I'm doing this? I can't believe I'm doing this. No, really. Remember what I said four years, one week, and two days (or one thousand four hundred seventy days) ago ? Kath needed to get her oil changed so we sat in line at the Valvoline forever and when it was her turn, it took forever to change the oil and we were both hungry so she had me find something to eat. Where we were, it was a toss up between Firehouse Subs, which looks plastic as fuck on the website, and this other place called Heather's. Yeah. I said that. And now here I was. See, Kafe Nasty went down to Wood Lake Nature Preserve last weekend and I couldn't remember if I'd ever been there. I knew I hadn't been there this summer. Frankly, with all the flooding this summer and all the bike shenanigans (Shenanigans!), I've been sticking to some well-traveled routes, with the exception of addi...

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