We're coming up on spooky season, that wonderful time of year when at least one podcast dedicated to cult cinema will incorrectly identify Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn as a remake of The Evil Dead or claim that Ash is bringing his new girlfriend, Linda, to the cabin where he murdered his old girlfriend, Linda, ensuring that I will get frustrated and want to start my own podcast, which is something I was supposed to do this year but in the course of trying to come up with six seconds of theme music, found myself working on a whole new KRAKOA record instead.
"What's KRAKOA?" you ask. Well, it's my "band". Yes, the Sandwich Bully has a band of sorts where he plays all the instruments because - check this out - he couldn't find anybody who wanted to start a band with him after he moved to Minneapolis for college.
Except for Scot T., who is truly one of the nicest dudes you'll ever meet. We jammed once, him on drums, me on guitar, with the intention of putting a band together and I wound up writing this riff during that jam. He said he'd never heard jazz-punk before but he liked it.
ANYway, there's that and some other shit like I published my seventh novel and I've got a collection of short stories I'm working on compiling and - What? I do have a life outside of eating fucking sandwiches and telling you about them, you know. Sometimes I have pasta, sometimes I have salad, sometimes I have eggrolls and cigarettes. I eat other things, I do other things.
Whatever, let's get down to business.
Bad Waitress, 10 September 2021
Kath has had a serious hankering for chicken and waffles lately and we were looking around and the closest place to the apartment was Bad Waitress, a place my friend, Frank, has serious legitimate issues with that I didn't remember until after we ordered and were already halfway there, like "Oh, shit, I'm not supposed to patronize this shit pit."
And shit pit it was!
I don't know why people keep going to Bad Waitress, it just isn't worth the price tag. Kath's chicken and waffles consisted of a waffle topped with what appeared to be the wings of an anorexic bird. It was like scraps of breading deep fried without any chicken underneath.
And that sandwich there? That I ordered? I honestly don't remember what it was nor am I sufficiently inspired to look it up to see what it might have been. I presume it was chicken and cheddar from the pic. I just remember thinking I could have gotten better at Arby's. So... I mean I don't know what to tell you. It just wasn't satisfying. It wasn't like we looked at each other afterward and agreed that we had a good meal. It was more like we looked at each other and accepted that we had just performed the basic life-sustaining function of eating but with a price tag that implied should have been satisfied. I get it, I do, we could have cooked our own meal. There's that. There's also that Bad Waitress could have given us forty dollars worth of food for the forty dollars we paid. That's also true.
Maverick's, 11 September 2021
Hashtag never forget the first time we had Maverick's.
By virtue of having to having to fly all the way to virtually the other side of the world, making a trade of Minneapolis for the center of Roseville and crash that little party for what we were told were bomb-ass sandwiches, Kath piloting the Kathmobile, and... What's that? No, you see, nine-eleven isn't a holiday except for white people who hate brown people. That's what it is, now. Shit was twenty years ago, homie. Time causes things to fade, why hasn't it faded for you yet? If it's that important to you to do this remembrance bullshit, where are you on the seventh of December? Exactly, you're not remembering shit, so kiss my ass.
ANYhoo, Kath's sister and brother-in-law...
... just got their new house and said, "Let's go to Maverick's since the last time you had it, your food was cold and wet in a box!" Yes, they said that in unison.
It was fine.
It wasn't really much different, truth be told. Yeah, a little hotter. But, uh... Yeah. I'm not mad about this one. I might even go back. I probably will go back. I'm not in a hurry to go back but I'll go back. I'm not trying to talk shit but, really, it's just Arby's but the way Arby's looks on the menu as opposed to what Arby's looks like in real life. It's like the person who opened Maverick's was just having a Michael-Douglas-in-the-burger-joint-scene-of-Falling-Down moment but instead of terrorizing innocent
So instead of flying their plane into the nearest Arby's, they decided to build their dreams into something tangible and - Fuck it, I can't keep going with this. I was trying to get all flowery and purple to describe how just OK they are but yeah. That's all it is: Just OK. Nothing wrong with it, it's just OK.
Revival, 17 September 2021
This shit gave me the worst acid reflux, dude. The kind that wakes you up, the kind that makes you take six ultra-strength antacids and drink three liters of water. That's the kind of thing that substantially overshadows any memory of how it tasted. It's a fried chicken thigh sandwich and it wasn't the Tennessee hot one, either. It was regular. I don't fucking remember anything but being awoke at two thirty in the morning by the sensation of stomach acid coming up my esophagus. Not the most glowing review I can offer but...
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But they had chicken and waffles and the chicken on Kath's waffle Revival was legit this time. Go here instead of Bad Waitress for chicken and waffles.
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