So I decided to spend NYE with Kath in Maple Grove, despite everything I've said about the 'burbs. We decided to hit up a place to grab a bite at the Shoppes on [something] Lake and we came to the Portillo's, which got a write up in City Pages a while ago and I've been halfway curious about it, so we had a go.
Kath got a fried chicken sandwich with fries and a cup of cheese that she said was "just the cheese they give you at the movie theater," "this is just an up-charge," and I got an Italian beef, dry with sweet peppers, and a Chicago dog, pictured above.
Well, how was it?
The Italian beef? Mm... It wasn't that great for being something of a flagship sandwich. I couldn't tell what it was I didn't like about it; was it too salty? sour? savory? It wasn't bland but I didn't care for the flavor. In the end, the cheese sauce I turned down at the register? I wound up dipping my sandwich in Kath's cheese which just tasted like the packet from the deluxe Velveeta shells & cheese box. That improved the sandwich.
God help me if I got that thing wet or dipped or whatever other weirdo horseshit they get up to there. Also, since I wound up dyspeptic last night, I was glad I opted for sweet peppers instead of hot.
The Chicago dog (aka hotdog) (no, for real, it's just called a hotdog there) was "cute" according to Kath. I took two bites of my Italian beef, switched over to the dog, got two bites into that, put it down to sip my small (bucket of) lemonade, and the thing fell open-faced. Holding it back together as well as I could, it was sweet, sour, spicy, and meh. I liked it more than the Italian beef, I'll say that.
My number one gripe? Those buns are steamed, homie. Just ready to fall apart if you look at them cross-eyed. Kath had a similar complaint, though hers was more surreal: A dollop of mayonnaise was bursting through a hole in the top of the bun.
Three sandwiches, one small fry, two small drinks, almost twenty five bucks. Not horrible, I'm sure I've paid more for less. Can I recommend this? Mm, I mean it isn't bad but I'm not losing my nut over it. I guess if you're in Maple Grove and you're over Potbelly and Chipotle, yeah, go for it. There're only two locations in the metro and I already forgot where the other one is. I'm guessing Kafe Nasty has already been to one and just hasn't said shit. This is definitely the kind of place Kafe Nasty would fuck with.
Also, they were bumping this bizarre ass song I'd never heard before on the muzak and now it's stuck in my head:
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