That's right, your favorite sandwich review blog is pretty much getting done monthly but you've already deduced that, haven't you, meine kleine tyrannjugend?
I just have this shit going on called "a life" where I do these things called "things" and I have these other things called "experiences" that I'm doing this thing called "savoring". Like yesterday, I saw a tiger spray a tree. Just like a big goddamned house cat.
That was good.
Moroccan Flavors, 7 September 2019
Kath and I went back to "Globetown" and she hit the Manny's and I hit the Moroccan Flavors to finally get that dajaj I wanted last time.
I would love if there were something truly remarkable about this sandwich, something truly memorable, but it was just OK. Not a thing wrong with it but it didn't inspire me to slay my enemies and sow my seed among their woman folk like Genghis Khan. It was just like, "Huh, this is pretty good. Wish I got this last time."
They forgot to give me the spicy olives.
Otherwise, they get a passing grade.
Sushi Train, 13 September 2019
Kath starts telling me about this place and how good it is but she says we're not going there because - "Wait, do you like sushi?"
Yes, yes I do.
"Oh, then we can go."
Where is it?
"By the Hyatt."
Where by the Hyatt?
And this is where I ask Kath twenty questions until I suss out that this joint is where the old French bakery was.
Anyhoo, this is one of those joints where you sit down and the sushi comes by on plates on a conveyor belt and the plates are color-coded, which is how they charge you.
That pic is of four whole baby octopodes and I ate two hoping Kath would eat the other two. Sport that she is, she had one and pushed the plate to the side.
Anyway, it's sushi, man. Either you've had it and you like it or you haven't had it because you're afraid of the whole world and you don't want to learn anything about the world as it exists outside your little bubble.
This is cool for the novelty of having sushi come by on a conveyor belt.
Expensive as fuck, though.
Broder's, 17 September 2019
It's Broder's, man, I can't keep telling you how good it is.
Kath and I wanted... I don't know, something but we couldn't have that something so I said let's go to Broder's.
I asked big homie at the counter if he suggested the meatball sub (because of an old one-time joke on Street Fight) or the chicken parm sub (because my diet) and he said meatball sub (so fuck my diet, I guess) and it was good, it was worth tweeting at Street Fight, but I wish I had gotten the chicken parm sub.
I had a rainbow cookie afterward.
Hi-Lo, 21 September 2019
Server asked me if I wanted fries or greens with my fried chicken sandwich and I'm thinking, "I'm about to eat a deep fried bird and you think I want to knock it back with deep fried potatoes?" So I said greens and I got the green goddess dressing because of this passage from Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana, a book I read five times in high school because I'm that guy.
Anyway, that's basically three chickens in a ménage à trois deep fried together and topped with coleslaw. And it was good. It was totally in line with my diet but it was too much of a good thing and we had to go back to the crib and nap, which basically means we had to go back to my place and take turns farting up the bed. I think this may have been the best this month.
Nokomis Beach Coffee, 22 September 2019
I opted for the build-your-own option, getting a half turkey & Swiss with yellow mustard on sourdough with all the veggies - lettuce, tomato, onion, and cucumber. It was alright. Cucumber instead of pickle was a bit of novelty but nothing that put this sandwich over the top. If there's any reason to visit Nokomis Beach Coffee, it's that they make, for my money, the best chai latte in Minneapolis. The sandwich aint bad but the coffee is notable. Should have taken a picture of that.
All Square, 28 September 2019
Where to begin?
First, and I hate to be this guy because I could have stayed home and made my own grilled cheese but... the wait was way too long. Like people who showed up after us got served before us. I looked at Kath and said I wanted to give them a pass because they were pretty busy but if you're one of the three eateries on all of Minnehaha that's open during lunchtime, you should be able to handle a lunch rush and not forget a pair of customers. And, yes, Kath got a buffalo chicken grilled cheese but it wasn't like they had to slaughter and clean and separate and cook that chicken the moment we ordered, you know it was sitting in a tub and just had to be swished around a skillet until heated.
Mine was the Did My Thyme, the "Greek" grilled cheese with something something something hummus and "special Greek sauce" which, hey, when I see "special Greek sauce", I think that means tzatziki and if you've been here before, you know I don't fuck around with tzatziki. I would eat straight tzatziki all day if I were sure I wouldn't diarrhea all the time. In my universe, I rank tzatziki first, tartar sauce second, and then nobody gives a fuck about third place. Quick, name one bronze medal winner. That's right. You can't. Because even you don't give a fuck about third place.
HOWEVER, I wasn't tasting any tzatziki which means "special Greek sauce" means "nothing" and I sure as fuck wasn't tasting any hummus, so, altogether, our food took too long and mine was disappointing. Kath liked hers OK.
We made up for it by hitting Tacos Lupita later on.
Mmm... I'd recommend Tacos Lupita.
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