Also, I had to resort to the truck scene today because, well, OK, it’s like this:
My girlfriend won’t let me have kimchi because I get farty. So when we order Taco Cat together, I am not allowed to order “The Outlaw” - slow roasted pork, kimchi, pickled jalapeño apple slaw, crema, salsa verde - because I’ll fart up the fucking bed. But I want to try kimchi and, if you remember the last time I had kimchi, I didn’t really even taste it. So, if I was going to try kimchi, I had to get the kimchi tacos from the taco truck version of the place I am not allowed to order kimchi tacos from. You picking up what I’m putting down? Because I’m not going back over it.
Also, I hope you’ve also noticed that both of my attempts at trying kimchi thus far have it delivered in a Mexi-fusion parcel.
Let’s just cut right to the quick: I finally got to taste kimchi. Or at least Taco Cat’s rendition. It’s crisp, light, spicy but not sour or even funky. So, while I could make the joke that it’s just Korean sauerkraut, I can’t because sauerkraut is sour (duh) and funky (it’s fermented fucking cabbage). Still, though, it’s just Korean sauerkraut. I liked it alright.
I cut right to that part because the rest of it… Oh, Jesus, I shake my head.
How, Taco Cat? How could you let me down?
If you’re not from here or you are and you’re just a virgin to Taco Cat, I’ll gladly inform you that they are hhhiiiggghhh quality for reasonable money. They’re great, I’ll recommend them any day of the week. Fuck me, invent additional days of the week and I’ll recommend them then, too. But not the truck.
Never the truck.
The normally soft corn tortillas? Stiff and cold, stale, almost rubbery and there was a produce sticker bigger than the apple chunk it was attached to in the apple slaw (you can see it in the photo above, it’s like a Where’s Waldo?).
The presence of the crema and salsa verde, despite that I saw the guy slather them on, I saw them on the taco, you can see them in the photo, didn’t bring anything to the flavor game but that can’t be attributed to the truck.
The pork was warm (rather than hot, that can be attributed to the truck) and had good flavor and great texture but it was unfortunately so overshadowed by that I paid eight dollars for two room-temperature tacos on stale tortillas that I can’t really describe it.
The real twin-child-stars-playing-the-same-character-doomed-to-grow-into-a-cocaine-addled-porn-star-and-an-anorexic-perfume-mogul of this family friendly nineties sitcom is the combination of the jalapeño apple slaw and kimchi, which are bright, light, crisp, spicy, easy going down. I would have preferred they just slapped those two together in the little paper boat and spared me from the tortillas. I can kind of forgive the sticker but the fucking stale tortillas? Fuck me.
Also, in the interest of pointing out the positives, the guy who took and made my order was a nice guy. Prompt. Yeah. I’m really struggling to give a balanced review because this is the first time Taco Cat has let me down but it was also under a completely different set of conditions from which I usually experience them.
So, no, I can’t recommend the truck. I’ll recommend the brick-and-mortar location without having been there because I always get it delivered and I’ll recommend the delivery which shows up pipin’ hot and the tortillas are fresh and soft. They have a huge delivery area, too, and they do that shit on bikes. All on bikes, through all kinds of nasty bullshit snow-nado weather and they’re still the fastest delivery game in town. Fucking heroes, these people.
Call them for delivery. Maybe stay away from the truck. Unless your girlfriend won’t let you have kimchi because you get farty.
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