So GF got the day off and decided to come downtown for lunch and I decided to take her to one of my favorite places that also happens to have parking available. So she rolls up, texts me that she’s here, I pop out, and direct her how to get there by bike when we’re in a car. Because I’m an idiot. We’ve established that.
We get there and she scopes the board and asks me what I get - usually the Italian or the Reuben - but I want to check out something new so I’m getting the chicken Philly (because they oddly don’t have a steak Philly even though there is a beef section to their menu). GF decides on the turkey avocado, which you don’t have to make the OMG Becca white-girls-and-avocado joke because I already did and believe me, I got my chops roundly busted for ordering a chicken Philly as though it were a healthy alternative.
That’s right, GF is savage AF, as the kids say. Making fun of my blood pressure. She took it there. No fucks given. Mic dropped.
Anyway, how were the sandwiches?
Well, GF said she wanted something summery, something fresh (no,
not Jimmy John’s after I inquired which I now realize Jimmy John’s is fast, not fresh, Subway is fresh, oh well, I can only make so many dumb sandwich jokes with GF before quality quickly declines), this would work. She also mentioned that it was a little messy which I inferred from the sight of the avocado and mayo mixing together.
My chicken Philly? Well, it was OK. The chicken was seasoned appropriately, the peppers and onions were done right, I couldn’t taste or see any mushrooms which I am not bothered by because mushrooms? Meh. But the cheese?
When I go to Arby’s - No, wait. Stop, hear me out. When I go to Arby’s, I get the beef & cheddar, subbing turkey for the beef - also nixing the “red ranch” because nobody has ever explained to me what the fuck that is - so what I get is just turkey and cheddar on an onion bun. So it
can be done, cheese whiz on poultry and I would have preferred some form of “pasteurized cheese product” sauce in place of this mozzarella which, in fairness, added some stretchy texture but was overshadowed by white meat chicken and, hey, I love me some fried chicken, I love rotisserie chicken, I love roast chicken, I love chicken sandwiches, chicken nuggets, chicken
MCnuggets (and we know what goes in those), I love chicken a la king, chicken casserole (to repeat myself, essentially) chicken salad, chicken a l’orange, sesame chicken, chicken almond ding, General Tso’s chicken, szechuan chicken (but only in Ohio), chicken cordon bleu, chicken kiev, chicken alfredo, chicken parmesan, buffalo chicken Cheez-its back when those were a thing, Chicken in a Biskit, chicken tinga, chicken shawarma, beer can chicken,
giblets, even that vegan shit which is spelled chikn or chykn or something - the only chicken I don’t like is chicken noodle soup, but here’s the thing: Chicken doesn’t taste like that much. Look at that list, every item is either slathered in a sauce or battered and fried or basted or meant to be dipped in BBQ sauce. The only poultry less flavorful is turkey. That’s why you slather gravy on it at Thanksgiving. Chicken has a more distinct flavor but not enough, even properly seasoned, that it should overpower mozzarella, which is how I deduced that this was Sysco cheese and why I can’t give this sandwich from one of my favorite delis very high marks. Not because it was Sysco cheese but because it didn’t taste like there was any cheese.
In the end, I had a nice hot chicken sandwich, wasn’t bad, wasn’t exciting. Another example of wishing I had ordered what GF did.
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