Well, hey hey hey, look who just lost the first three paragraphs of this entry explaining why Sandwich Bully was not actually going international. I mean I did go to England. Once. Six years ago. That was international. So I guess I kind of...
Anyway, you didn't miss much in those paragraphs that I just can't get back now. There was some shit about how this country is so dumb that we sent an entire generation of men overseas to kill Иаzis only for those surviving men's grandchildren to turn into Иаzis and then I had to explain how I have to misappropriate Cyrillic letters because I cracked wise about Courtney Love burgering Kurt Cobain in another post and that got flagged and then I had to explain how when I said "burger", I meant "яэьяuм" and then I had to explain that I had to use Cyrillic again because I don't know what words are flagged and this also makes for a cool The Shining Reference and then I went on a tangent about how, yes, I have listened to real death metal and, really, it was just turning into a shit show that I'm sure today's victims would be proud to be associated with.
ANYhoo!
Spice Shack, 13 June 2025
UPDATE 14 July 2025: Closed
That is a US$5.99 gyro.
From the skyway.
In downtown Minneapolis.
It's the kind of thing that you expect to have a bunch of postal couriers come into a courthouse with sacks of letters on their shoulders to prove to a judge that since the United States Postal Service, a branch of the federal government (Them again!?), recognizes that this is a US$5.99 gyro from the downtown Minneapolis skyway, then it stands to reason that a US$5.99 gyro from the downtown Minneapolis skyway must exist.
See that? That's a little Xmas movie humor.
Anyway, I got mine hold the lettuce, extra tzatziki and, please, if you're a returning reader, explain to the noobs around here how I feel about tzatziki. I'll wait.
I'll say, however, that the texture was better than the flavor. It didn't taste bad, it was just so-so. But it was also five ninety nine.
No, guys. Five ninety ni- Oh, forget it.
The bread was airy and the meat was tender, so it was overall very soft, but fuck me if I could taste the tomato or onion on it. And they gave me the extra tzatziki on the side, which was the only way I could verify that it had tzatziki on it at all.
I'm not flipping my lid for it but, you know? Cheap lunch downtown is cheap lunch downtown. Until now, Dagwood's was the cheapest spot with a nine do-
No, nine!
Dagwood's has the nine dollar sub with chips and we've been over how it was eight dollars for the longest time which is still insanely cheap for DT MPLS. Spice Shack is coming in with a fi- six dollar gyro. No sides but still. Worth checking out before they inevitably jack the prices up. Hell, I'll go back.
Maria's Cafe, 14 June 2025
And in the course of my Googlin', I'm reminded of a little spot called Maria's that I used to pass by all the time when I used to get my groceries from the East Franklin Aldi. And I never went in there because I didn't know what it was about and I was always broke.
But it was still there after all this time and I look at the menu and I don't see a breakfast burrito but I see they're letting meat arepa rellenos go for ten bucks a pair. Compare that to the only other place I know that serves arepas, Hola Arepa, whose cheapest arepa is a bean and cheese model they're letting go of for fifteen bucks for one.
Well, I haven't had an arepa in a minute, so I made it over their this morning and I go up to the door. Sign on the door says please use other door.
So I go around the corner to the other door and... The sign on this door says please use other door.
How many fucking doors are there?
Thankfully, just this one other one and I get inside and it's kind of like this place is in a community center. I have to walk down a hall, around a corner, down another hall, I find a door that asks me to wait to be seated but I step inside because there's no host in the hall and I get in there and this kid asks me how many and I tell him one, to go, and he tells me they'll help me at the counter [deep breath] so then I walk through that room into another room that I have to walk through into the main room and I see the counter and the woman behind the counter hooks me up with a water and asks me what I'll have and I tell her I just need a little nosh, I'll take two beef arepa rellenos and she punches in my order and then I just... sit... there.
It was busy, dude. I should have expected a wait.
When I got my order, I was happy with the size I received for the price I paid. My server handed me some Tabasco which I normally don't fuck with but, honestly, these kind of needed it. It wasn't bland but it wasn't the most seasoned. That's all. It was a little on the drier end which was OK because I'm not trying to get all sloppy steaks over here, have my server saying "I think you should leave." The meat was tender and moist, it just wasn't juicy. It wasn't oozing moisture. It wasn't dripping all over the plate. I actually liked that part. But, yeah, this was the first time in all of my forty four years that I've ever been like, "Huh. Needs Tabasco."
Over all, the place is a titch up from your usual mom & pop greasy spoon. It has counter service and handwritten notes Scotch-taped to the wall where the family photos aren't hung but it's also carpeted. They serve imported cervezas. There are more than four tables. But sitting in there, I could feel that this place was a part of its community. Not just the Colombian heritage it represented but the neighborhood it resided in. There were Latin folks, Asian folks, white folks all coming in here for cachapas and huevos and cafe and some other things I saw I didn't know the names of. I'll go back to see what other kind of trouble I can get into when I have more time to sit down and enjoy a meal in Ventura Village (and this marks our first Ventura Village entry).
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