Logan's Simply Fresh Burgers & Chicken, 4 May 2025

    A couple days ago, Kafe Nasty and I were dismayed over the lack of food options at May Day but we went anyway and shit wasn't any different than any other year. There was somebody handing out food if you wanted to come to his tent and hear "the good news" and there was a school bus full of curry that was operating on a "donations welcome" status and, man, I don't carry cash.

    So Kafe Nasty and I did a lap around the lake and saw all the butts hanging out of all of the shorts. Tight little bocce balls butts. Little jiggly chicken cutlets butts. Beep beep back up the truck butts.

    But butts we were not there for. In fact, I can't speak for Kafe but I know I couldn't figure out why I showed up. What brought me here? Maybe some sense of obligation as a communist and a laborer? Maybe looking at butts. And the few ladies letting their titties swing around. But that's only so much fun.

    So we bounced and went to Logan's where there were no butts. They do have a new ordering kiosk thing, though. So I ordered a cheeseburger and customized it - white American cheese, mayonnaise, mustard, pickle, red onion, and tomato - a side of fries and a hibiscus drink from one of those bubbler fountains. Kafe got the standard Logan's cheeseburger, I think, opting for grilled onions instead of raw, with fries and a Tutti Fruti Jarritos.

    For some reason, I felt compelled to take a pic even though I was sure that I had already written about Logan's.

    And then something nagged me today and I decided to look it up and nope! Never did Logan's. I must have first gone there during that year that I wasn't doing this thing.
    So, uh, yeah, coming to this one three days late, huh? I bet this is going to be real accurate. Look, you've had a cheeseburger before, haven't you? Yeah? So let's start there, with you know, with what I know...

    Wait a minute. Who said they've never had a cheeseburger before? OK, I think you've come to the wrong place. Yeah, sorry, I think what you're actually looking for is

yourenevergonnagetlaidbecauseyoueatlikeyoudontenjoylife.blogspot.com

    Yeah, you might want to go there.

    So this is a cheeseburger made from freshly ground beef and made into a patty and tossed on a flat top grill. It's flat and it's got a slight char on the outside but it's not a smash burger. You can tell it's not from frozen patty pucks. You can tell the veggies are fresh cut.

    The fries come from frozen and are in line with what you'd expect from a Burger King or a Wendy's. I myself am a Checker's / Rally's man.

    I mean if we're picking King Bastard Fuck Beast of fast food French fries, I'm picking Checker's / Rally's.

    I remember that I really liked my hibiscus drink. If you've never had hibiscus, I can't help you. You're going to have to find it for yourself. I don't know... It's a little tart, almost sour, but also a little herbal, a little floral but not gross floral like IPAs are. You can make hibiscus tea at home by steeping the flowers and adding lemon and sugar. I was doing that for a while. But then I just stopped. I don't remember why.

    ANYway, I really do wish I had a more glowing review for Logan's since I really do like that place. It's not fancy, the food tastes the way it's supposed to taste which makes it perfect. And you go there the wrong time of day... hell, there's only four two tops in there, you might have to take your order to go but that's not a big deal.

    I would love if they put up a bike rack out front or to the side or something because, right now, I have to lock my bike up to a post in some bullshit ass gulch with piss bottles and soiled clothing in it. But that's just Lake Street, man. Fifty yards in any direction from the sidewalk, you pretty much have to expect some signs of people not having very good lives. That fifty yards from the sidewalk will generally take you to dumpsters, alleys, and, strangely, little bullshit ass gulches. Granted, this gulch is really just the dead end of fourteenth street but still, man, I know a bullshit ass gulch when I see one. Just like that bullshit ass gulch that David fell into and hit his head in in Flight of the Navigator. Yes, I know they call it a ravine in the movie but don't fuck me in the butt, man, that was a goddamned gulch and you know it. You do. Admit it. We were all looking at the same thing and that thing was a goddamned gulch. And then you got this little motherfucker waking up in the future and then NASA gets involved when this is clearly a job for the Fort Lauderdale Police Department's Missing Children Division and the Broward County Department of Health and Human Services. Oh and then Doctor Johnny Fever plays a greasy ass lying NASA man... Damn, you know, between Flight of the Navigator and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, the eighties were a weird time to just be a rocket scientist and launch satellites into space and draw star maps and try to calculate the position of a planet so you can land a robot on it and ponder the cosmos because you and people like you were portrayed in G-rated family films as scary faceless monsters that came into people's homes and ripped their families apart. Like all you want to do is launch satellites into space and study the atmospheres of other planets and then you go to a dinner party for your spouse's work and some drunk joker who had three too many martinis is asking you how many families you've destroyed this month because of these movies. Like really, what the fuck, dude? That shit aint cool. You use a slide rule and a compass and a protractor for work and this dingus comes along and accuses you of kidnapping and cutting open kids' heads? Because of these movies, one of which was made by Disney and the other was made by Steven Spielberg?
    Goddamn, dude. That's fucked up.

    Anyway, go give Logan's your money.