SANDWICH BULLY

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August 24, 2024

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She makes sandwiches until she finds herself a partner.

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Desperate End-Of-Winter Slump Post

Well, I told you back in December that I was taking the coldest months off and then that El Niño just kept trucking through January until we had a polar vortex (on my fucking birthday) and I had to tighten the old belt around then (figuratively and literally; I'm down to fourteen stone - no, you look it up) and then all the bad winter shit decided to hit during February with just one snow storm after another. But pitchers are reporting for spring training and it's no different here at the offices *snort* of Sandwich Bully , so drag out the tees and wiffle bats , because we're just going to - Wait. If there's a tee, then we've fucked up our metaphor about pitchers reporting and... Well, shit, it's not like you haven't read this train wreck before. Let's just kick the shit out of some chain franchises. Keep in mind these are just the ones I've been to. I know somebody's going to crawl up my ass and die because I aint saying

The Sandwich Bully Tries It At Home: "The 'Anthony Bourdain' Sandwich", 25 July 2024... But First, A Lightning Round

Who the fu- Who - Who... This place looks like shit. Jesus wept, I knew I forgot to turn the lights off before I left but look at this fucking place. All fucked up, memes and screenshots and shit laying all over the place. I can't be proud of this. What the fuck is this? An empty bottle of antacids? Jesus, I haven't had to take these in nearly a year. What the fuck has been goi- Oh! Hello, meine kleine tyrannjugend! Pardon the mess! [kicks severed hand under the copier] See, I've been gone since like a year and a half ago and according to my... [checks notes] That's right, I said I was done forever so I left nobody in charge. Meanwhile, all our old friends like Irrationally Upset Over New Arby's Menu Items Donny Osmond and Lettuce From PhoneShop... ... have just been hanging out, probably not making babies because, well, this joke is already going too far so let's just - What's that? Where have I been for the last year and a half? Why, mon frer, mo

Ed's Pantry, 13 June 2019

Sometimes you find yourself caught between the same goddamned chicken currito and chicken indurrito and you're just not feeling the turkey at Potbelly because they used the good turkey only that one time. So you go looking and there was that one place about thirteen years ago that aint there anymore. And the Sawatdee aint in the skyway anymore. It's been replaced by a joint called Ed's Pantry. Ed's Pantry has an Italian Chicken Sandwich - CTRL C & V'd from the menu: chilled sliced chicken breast, provolone, giardiniera peppers, romaine, tomato, red onion, hellmans, italian dressing That menu comes from the website that I had to look up because I thought maybe I misread the menu at the joint. It listed cold sandwiches and not hot sandwiches which baffled me because then wouldn't you just list... like... just sandwiches? So that's a quibble. Well, we can make this next part quick: I liked that the chicken wasn't d

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