Listen, I've been juggling a lot of shit, lately. Don't @ me.
Gluek's, 8 August 2019
Standard Reuben. Talkative bartender. Kitchen manager, house manager, somebody important, upon hearing my request to have the sandwich wrapped up tight asked me how long it would be until I ate the sandwich. I said ten minutes which is a five minute over-estimation. She mumbled something along the lines of how the bread wouldn't last that long and was going to talk to the cook about it.
Last time I was there, I was with Daver after we saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull at Block E while Georgie and Laura were watching one of the Sex and the City movies.
Black Forest Inn, 10 August 2019
Kenny was clocking in and hurriedly ordered a BLT and that sounded good to me so I ordered one, too, while receiving the warning that it was a triple-decker and had coleslaw on it. I just wanted a BLT and then the conversation turned into an absolute free-for-all demolition derby of BLT opinions.
Anyway, this didn't have coleslaw on it.
Not even sure it had bacon on it but...
¯\
Burger King, 11 August 2019
That is exactly as sad looking as anything else Burger King churns out, hence their Depression Meal promotion last year? earlier this year?
Anyway, I ordered this after I took a nap because I had watched Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia the night before and there was the scene where Benny orders a double bourbon with a champagne back and I had to know what that shit was about and I'll tell you what that's about: NAP TIME. And then you wake up and bike an unnecessary number of miles to order a vegan Whopper. It's, um... You can skip it.
Weird that it took a Burger King item for our first Hiawatha entry.
Weird that it took a Burger King item for our first Hiawatha entry.
Sal's on 5th, 13 August 2019
I've had flavorless cheesesteaks before but at least they had character, ambition.
I've had cheesesteaks that have leaned hard on the Lawry's.
I've had cheesesteaks that tried to sell you on a festive vibe with stoplight bell peppers.
I've had a bunch of bullshit cheesesteaks. But this ranks as the most apathetic.
Moroccan Flavors, 13 August 2019
"Let's go out to eat."
"Where do you want to go?"
"Where do you want to go?"
[fifteen minutes later]
"Do you just want to go to the Midtown Global Market and walk around and pick out the stuff you like?"
"Yeah."
So that's how Kathryn got Los Ocampo and I wound up getting Moroccan Flavors, where the very nice lady mistook me for someone else and I learned, according to her, that everybody on the planet has around forty doppelgängers and I happen to have one that enjoys perusing the Midtown more than I do.
Anyway, I had asked for Dajaj (marinated chicken) but in all the confusion, I got my sandwich as kafta and I can't complain because the lady running the joint was so nice and it gives me an excuse to go back.
I ate half of this then and then the next half for breakfast. Came with spicy olives. I encourage you to give them your money.
Elevated, 14 August 2019
Everything about getting this sandwich was a debacle but I got it. They use a cranberry aioli which sweetens things. Turkey is thicc the way all good things are. But I'm not losing my mind over this.
Tavern333, 15 August 2019
THIS is how you make a Rachael from scratch.
Notice how that cabbage is green; they made that sauerkraut in house.
The turkey was carved, not sliced; it was pulled from the bones of a cooked dead animal by the hands of a person.
And when I bit into it? It tasted like biting into Thanksgiving. Tavern333 aren't relying on the kraut / island slaw for flavor. I have to, just have to, based on this one visit, declare this the best Rachael in Minneapolis and further that I've ever had.
Also, as usual, I had to ask them to wrap it up tight and the cook wrapped up the box in two layers of saran and then, when I passed by the kitchen, he saw my messenger bag, smiled, and said, "Oh, yeah, you'll be alright. Bike safe!"
On the opposite end of that spectrum...
Red Rabbit, 16 August 2019
As a cyclist, getting a to-go order comes with a little bit of consideration as to how I'm going to transport my lunch. Usually just means I have to ask folks to wrap it in saran wrap or foil.
Friday, I see Red Rabbit has an Italian sub and a chicken parm. I pop over and I get in and I ask the maitre d' for a rec, he says the chicken parm, asks if I want chips, I ask if they have tater salad, he says they have greens, I get greens, I ask if they can wrap it up tight because I don't want marinara spilling all over my bag, he says he doesn't know how they'd do that, I ask if they have foil, he says they do and runs back.
I take a seat at the bar. Bartender asks what he can get me. I get a Coke. He asks if I want ice. I'm about to live dangerously. I say no.
Ice wouldn't have made a difference. That Coke was flatter than where they filmed the time trial scenes for... Well, I already tweeted it.
I mean the service here is A+ but, damn, this Coke is so flat, you'd swear they filmed the time trial scene from Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! on it.— Casimir H. Prohosky Jr. (@CharliePauken) August 16, 2019
Maitre d' comes out and shows me my receipt and explains it to me like I'm an alien and, gotta tell ya, I felt like I was on another planet for sure. I had to smile and nod twice that I was fine with the price. On the itemized receipt was the note Wrap In Foil for which there was no charge.
Anyway, time does that thing where it rolls on and the staff ask me if they can get me a refill and I say no, I'm just waiting on my order and they fuck off in back and come back and say my order is ready, they just don't know what I mean by "Wrap In Foil" and I have to explain, you know, just, I have a messenger bag and it'd be a dece hookup if y'all could wrap this thing up so I don't have a mess in my bag.
She registers comprehension and fucks off and then the kid that poured me the flat Coke comes up to me and tells me they're wrapping my order in foil now.
Jesus Cross-Dressing Christ.
Get my order, the sandwich looks as big as my forearm and the - We'll get to that.
Anyway, I unwrap the sandwich back at the office and I have to wonder if they've ever done this before because... OK, never mind that. How did it taste? Like they kissed it platonically with marinara, forewent the parm, and they put shredded lettuce on a parm, between toasted bread and fried breaded chicken. No bueno.
Then the greens.
You know how you get the rice at the lowercase c Chinese joint? The box it comes in? Yeah, the greens came in one of those and they wrapped that in foil, too. Shit was bizarre.
Sometimes you see a menu item you haven't had in a hot minute and you have to get it. Like steak (medium) and eggs (sunny side up) and (sourdough) toast with hashbrowns. And, fuck it, you are a fancy sexy beast, you are allowed to go Kim Cattrall and have the mimosa.
The mimosa was fine, the steak was seasoned well, the eggs were light and savory, the toast was a bit too much, and the hashbrowns had a love affair with the Cholula / catsup mix I smothered them in. Then Kathryn and I went back to her place as I complained that I was now dying. Give them your money.
Anyway, time does that thing where it rolls on and the staff ask me if they can get me a refill and I say no, I'm just waiting on my order and they fuck off in back and come back and say my order is ready, they just don't know what I mean by "Wrap In Foil" and I have to explain, you know, just, I have a messenger bag and it'd be a dece hookup if y'all could wrap this thing up so I don't have a mess in my bag.
She registers comprehension and fucks off and then the kid that poured me the flat Coke comes up to me and tells me they're wrapping my order in foil now.
Jesus Cross-Dressing Christ.
Get my order, the sandwich looks as big as my forearm and the - We'll get to that.
Anyway, I unwrap the sandwich back at the office and I have to wonder if they've ever done this before because... OK, never mind that. How did it taste? Like they kissed it platonically with marinara, forewent the parm, and they put shredded lettuce on a parm, between toasted bread and fried breaded chicken. No bueno.
Then the greens.
You know how you get the rice at the lowercase c Chinese joint? The box it comes in? Yeah, the greens came in one of those and they wrapped that in foil, too. Shit was bizarre.
Neighborhood Cafe, 17 August 2019
The mimosa was fine, the steak was seasoned well, the eggs were light and savory, the toast was a bit too much, and the hashbrowns had a love affair with the Cholula / catsup mix I smothered them in. Then Kathryn and I went back to her place as I complained that I was now dying. Give them your money.
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