Told myself yesterday that I was not going to bike ten miles one way to drop ten dollars on a half sandwich (because I also wasn't going to drop fourteen on a whole sandwich) but tomorrow, part of my three-day weekend, is supposed to be rained out and I'm going to just get mad snuggly on the couch and watch Tenebre.
So a twenty mile utility ride was mandatory. On the way there, bumped Noxagt's Turning It Down Since 2001 and Ornette Coleman's The Shape of Jazz To Come. Got there got a seat at the counter, the waitress said it looked like I already had a plan, I got the half Rachael and a lemonade and that's what that is in that picture, half a Rachael. Just look at that big motherfucker. Most places, that's the whole size.
So how did this taste? Well, first thing I noticed is that they don't rely on kraut and thousand island for a crutch; in fact, there really isn't that much of it. And I definitely noticed that they melted Swiss on both sides of the sandwich like I've been wishing motherfuckers would do for years.
But the real teenage outcast assisting a thirty three year old tabloid reporter undercover as a seventeen year old navigating their way through a turbulent high school environment populated by nerds, dweeboids, jocks, skeezers, gearheads, cheerleaders, dopes, sissies, and Stacies in this overlooked but much talked about dark comedy about a string of teenage serial abortions is the rotisserie turkey, which, OK, I've never heard of rotisserie turkey but I guess it makes sense since there's rotisserie chicken. It was juicy, it was tender, it was - what's that word that people hate because it reminds them of damp groins and they don't want to admit it because ew, gross? That's right:
MOIST.
The turkey was moist.
Say it. Say it out loud like a fucking adult: The turkey was moist.
Honestly? Could have used a little more salt or at least some MSG but the important part is that it was moist. And there was a lot of that pipin' hot, delicious, moist turkey.
Now, turkey being turkey, this could have used a bit more dressing and kraut but I appreciate that they go in a direction counter to that of other delis. This is a meat-forward sandwich and the condiments are to play supporting roles, not dominate the flavor. If I wasn't so committed to this pollotarian thing, I'd be interested in seeing what the Reuben tasted like since, unlike other Reubens, the corned beef would have nothing to hide behind. They also have a sandwich called Mort's Reuben which uses horseradish cheddar instead of Swiss. Could be interesting.
The chips were housemade. I'm not the biggest chips fan but these were alright. Pro Tip, eat your sandwich over the chips so the juices get on the chips and, well, you know how it works.
On the way back, I bumped Nigerian Special, a compilation of high-life music from nineteen seventy to nineteen seventy six.
If you're ever in Golden Valley, give Mort's your money.
But the real teenage outcast assisting a thirty three year old tabloid reporter undercover as a seventeen year old navigating their way through a turbulent high school environment populated by nerds, dweeboids, jocks, skeezers, gearheads, cheerleaders, dopes, sissies, and Stacies in this overlooked but much talked about dark comedy about a string of teenage serial abortions is the rotisserie turkey, which, OK, I've never heard of rotisserie turkey but I guess it makes sense since there's rotisserie chicken. It was juicy, it was tender, it was - what's that word that people hate because it reminds them of damp groins and they don't want to admit it because ew, gross? That's right:
MOIST.
The turkey was moist.
Say it. Say it out loud like a fucking adult: The turkey was moist.
Honestly? Could have used a little more salt or at least some MSG but the important part is that it was moist. And there was a lot of that pipin' hot, delicious, moist turkey.
Now, turkey being turkey, this could have used a bit more dressing and kraut but I appreciate that they go in a direction counter to that of other delis. This is a meat-forward sandwich and the condiments are to play supporting roles, not dominate the flavor. If I wasn't so committed to this pollotarian thing, I'd be interested in seeing what the Reuben tasted like since, unlike other Reubens, the corned beef would have nothing to hide behind. They also have a sandwich called Mort's Reuben which uses horseradish cheddar instead of Swiss. Could be interesting.
The chips were housemade. I'm not the biggest chips fan but these were alright. Pro Tip, eat your sandwich over the chips so the juices get on the chips and, well, you know how it works.
On the way back, I bumped Nigerian Special, a compilation of high-life music from nineteen seventy to nineteen seventy six.
If you're ever in Golden Valley, give Mort's your money.
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