Back in the nineties, there was this thing that we did in the Midwest because we saw it on TV and it was, in the parlance of the nineties, the bomb. Evaluating it with a good two decades distance, I can vouch that this was some nasty bullshit. See, what you'd do is you'd take a whole block of rubbery-assed Velveeta and cube it up, throw it in a microwave safe dish with a whole jar of salsa and microwave that sucker for a minute and then - here's the thing - you didn't throw it in the trash where it belonged, no. You ate it. On chips. While you watched the ABC TGIF lineup.
With this motherfucker.
I bring this up not to traumatize you but because I could not for the life of me place what the fuck the marinade on the chicken was in my chapati wrap from Afro Deli until I was halfway through and I was like, "This is that nacho dip we made in the microwave when we was kids, innit!" And then I stopped eating and then I started again because there's no way any decent human being running a three-location independent Afro-fusion cuisine place is marinating their chicken in the shitty nineties nacho dip.
Right?
Please tell me I'm right.
Please tell me I'm still allowed to have faith in humanity.
Please.
Anyway, they have chicken gyros but I'm all, "I'm not going to an African restaurant for a gyro." So I opted for the chapati wrap, listed as...
Choice of beef steak, lamb gyro, chicken sautéed or falafel with fresh vegetables and Somali rice, lettuce and ranch (burritos style) with a side of fries or salad. Lamb gyro comes with Tzatziki sauce.
I got there and I asked the guy if I could get it with tzatziki instead of ranch because...
Now, so far, I've told you about chicken that tasted like it was slathered in a shitty nacho dip from my youth, let me tell you about this tzatziki: It just ran to the ends. That's where I tasted it: In the ends where the rice was falling out and the chicken was gone. And there wasn't that much of it. Lord help me, they skimped on the tzatziki, my favorite condiment.
The veggies? I could make out greens, peppers, tomatoes, onions. Nothing out of left field. Maybe I'm just not that at all well versed in African cuisine but this was just a burrito. I mean, yeah, chapati wrap but a non-chapati wrap is just a cold burrito. This was a hot wrap, it's a burrito. That said, it was a damned tasty burrito and the second time in three days that I've gotten a burrito with a side of fries. IT CAN BE DONE.
Now, I was skeptical of the fries because that dipping sauce looked like the dipping sauce from Hot Indian Foods and I was like, "Oh, shit, don't tell me Sysco's getting into ethnic dipping sauces." I'm happy to report that it was a remoulade (which they list as "Creole sauce" on their menu, cheeky buggers) and it was good. Tangy and spicy without being assaultive on either front. But, you know, because of the meds I'm on, I break a sweat if I drink almond milk so I was dripping like horned-up puss by the time I left this place. Hell, If I even remember the time I looked at a cartoon bell pepper, I get soggy. That's a side effect they don't tell you about. I got carrots in the fridge I'm afraid to do anything with because I look at them and I'm like, "Shit's too spicy, man."
But seriously about the fries, here's the thing about the fries: They're Lu's fries. Remember how Lu's had the best fries in the Twin Cities before they went off-script and started doing hokey white people bullshit like putting lettuce on their banh mis? Yeah, well, those fries found their way over to Afro Deli.
So, the chapati wrap where I specifically asked for tzatziki could have used more tzatziki so I knew I got the tzatziki and that marinade on the chicken was an unwelcome blast from the past once I figured it out but it was good. Honestly don't know what specifically made this rice Somali but, OK, you tell me it's Somali, it's Somali. I liked the chapati wrap. I would encourage you to get the chapati wrap. With the Lu's fries with the remoulade. Go give them your money.
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