It's hard out here for a pimp. And by pimp, I mean practically I'm mostly pollotarian.
I'm looking for lunch today and Miss Janie up in reception told me about Elevate which is two buildings away and I look at their menus and I see a turkey sandwich with cranberry-chipotle aioli that I wasn't sure I could commit to and a chicken club that had slaw on it and I almost put it to a vote on Twitter and that's when I saw it.
It had a dumb name: Elevate Your Hero
It was described thusly:
red table salami francios, cappicola, mortadella, prosciutto, local sundried tomato basil cheese, crisp romaine, marinated tomatoes, pickled vegetable aioli
An Italian sub downtown.
A four-meat Italian sub with tomato basil cheese? And what the fuck is pickled vegetable aioli?
I'll tell you: It's giardiniera aioli.
And it came with thick cut salt & pepper chips, those were good.
How was it?
The problem with four pork products is that all you taste is pork but it tasted good. Check the stats. It's been weeks since I ate anything that walked on four legs. And the tomato basil cheese was more for texture than flavor. Romaine?
The marinated tomatoes brought a sweetness to the sandwich, but the real black market aphrodisiac available only through non-English speaking channels with an uncomfortable and sometimes frightening ingredient list but you absolutely must have it because you've got a dead bedroom and your boo's birthday is coming up and if this doesn't save the relationship nothing will, was the giardiniera aioli. You could see the vegetables finely minced throughout, resembling a bit of a slaw or a chunky dressing, and it provided heat that honestly overwhelmed the other elements a bit but, again, when you put four cuts of pork on a sandwich, it just tastes like pork. I would have liked if the tomato basil cheese had more presence but the marinated tomato slices overrode rather than embellished the cheese.
Was this worth the nine dollar price tag?
I wouldn't know because Elevate uses these dopey ass pay kiosks with nary a human on a cash register in sight and I had to punch in my own sandwich, which wasn't listed, homey behind the counter told me to just punch in the cherrywood turkey (which was only eight dollars, good looking out, homey) but the kiosk didn't like my card so I went to a different kiosk and that one didn't like my card (which was nowhere near as big a bummer as the time the ATM at the Trylon didn't like my card five minutes from showtime for Spider Baby), so I told homey behind the counter I was sorry but I was going to have to skip it and he says, "Hold on, I got you," and looks around for his boss, throws some chips in the box, and then just fucking hands it to me. I imagine that if I had paid nine dollars for it, I would not have been disappointed but, I mean, come on. I got a free sandwich and it was a good sandwich. It was an excellent sandwich.
Go give them your money. Maybe you won't have to.
Was this worth the nine dollar price tag?
I wouldn't know because Elevate uses these dopey ass pay kiosks with nary a human on a cash register in sight and I had to punch in my own sandwich, which wasn't listed, homey behind the counter told me to just punch in the cherrywood turkey (which was only eight dollars, good looking out, homey) but the kiosk didn't like my card so I went to a different kiosk and that one didn't like my card (which was nowhere near as big a bummer as the time the ATM at the Trylon didn't like my card five minutes from showtime for Spider Baby), so I told homey behind the counter I was sorry but I was going to have to skip it and he says, "Hold on, I got you," and looks around for his boss, throws some chips in the box, and then just fucking hands it to me. I imagine that if I had paid nine dollars for it, I would not have been disappointed but, I mean, come on. I got a free sandwich and it was a good sandwich. It was an excellent sandwich.
Go give them your money. Maybe you won't have to.
Comments
Post a Comment