Anyway, I had no idea what I was going to do for lunch until I spotted one of my coworkers drinking from a Good To Go cup and I asked her if it was any good and she starts talking to me about salads and I'm all, "Nah, I don't write a blog called Salad Bully."
I look up their menu and see they bill themselves as a Mediterranean deli and not I have to go and I see they have sandwiches and they have a chicken pesto and a turkey club and I tell my Work Mom I can't decide. Work Mom tells me I should get the chicken pesto. I say, "What if they fuck it up?"
"True," she says, "you have a point. Some people - [scoff] Dried basil or something. Or sometimes the basil goes bad."
"Back when I was living with Georgie, I'd have to ask her if I even liked pesto because I just always got stuck with bad pesto."
"Really?"
Look, this story could go on and on but...
So I fall back on my tried and trusted method: Just ask the people who work there what they recommend. The guy at the counter purses his lips and nods as he stares over the counter and through the floor. "Turkey club."
"Alright, let's do that then."
And, yes, I'm fully aware that a turkey club has bacon on it, I just -
Look, all this dopey health shit that's been happening to me, your humble friend and narrator, I'm getting stricter about my diet. Like for real. You know what I bought the other day? Vegan chicken nuggets. My vegan friend, she's surprised (or maybe skeptical) enough that she asks me, "For yourself?"
But, yeah, I'm trying to buckle down on the pescatarian / pollotarian thing, meaning that the cleft hoved? hooved? hoven? animals, they're pretty much out. And the animals with hooves that aren't cleft? They're out, too, meaning I'm halal and kosher and a non smoker now. (Thirty six days, motherfuckers! You know what happened the other day? A guy came up to me on the street and asked me for a cigarette and I told him I don't smoke and it was the truth this time!)
Don't fret, there will still be occasions where I'll have a cheeseburger or something. I mean, I'll try to find a turkey burger or - What's that? I'm losing you? You really don't care? OK, well, how about this? How about you don't come to my doofy little sandwich blog with a shit attitude, OK, fucko!? I'm just trying to explain that we're going to be exploring some different menu items in the future, low carb, low fat, low sodium, high protein and maybe you might want to put your fucking Big Mac down and pay attention because I'm not getting self-righteous up in this motherfucker for my own entertainment!
When was the last time you ate a fucking vegetable? Put the Pepsi down and drink a glass of water, god's sake.
ANYhoo, this sandwich? Muh, less than fantastic. It was the safe choice, I guess. I kind of wish I had pulled the trigger on the chicken pesto.
The veggies were ice cold and crisp, automatically better than Subway. But so was the bacon. The turkey was exactly like what you'd find at Subway and the cheese? You know this is the first time we're breaking out this one for the first time in 2019... I could see it, I couldn't taste it, so that means the cheese was...
Oh, and the bread was dry as fffuuuccckkk.
But you know what stood out? Like actually really truly stood out?
Oh, wait, sorry, been long enough that I forgot how I normally do this.
[cracks knuckles]
But the real child chess prodigy at the heart of a bitter custody battle that has been stretched out months longer than needed by cruel and bloodthirsty divorce attorneys under the gaze of an indifferent and apathetic magistrate who's seen cases like this six times a day for the last thirty years and admits to problems in a system whose failings fall most harshly on autistic and emotionally children like this but is powerless and generally unwilling to attempt to change said system [deep breath] is the sumac aioli.
How was that? Did I do alright after taking a couple months off?
It was rich, tangy, savory, and I almost couldn't place it at first. I mean, come on, when was the last time you had sumac aioli, you precious git?
In fact, I had to deduce that it was the suamc aioli that they had listed as a sauce in their kabobs section because they don't describe their sandwiches or what goes on them on the menu online or on the board at the store.
The sumac aioli was good enough that I wish they'd put more on. It
However, does this one thing that made the whole sandwich warrant going back?
Mmm, maybe? Just because there are other things on the menu. But, really, for all the praise I can lavish on the sumac aioli, it's just one condiment on an otherwise bog standard club sandwich. It's like putting tartar sauce on your cheeseburger. Did you do anything different to the meat or cheese? Did you use an onion bun or a potato bun? Is it really just a bog standard cheeseburger with one different condiment on it?
This is cold bacon and Subway grade turkey on dry bread. Nothing illuminating. I mean, sure, my eyes are opened to sumac aioli now and I'm going to try making that myself because it was fucking bomb.
So I can't tell you to... What was it I used to say?
[looks]
OK, I can't tell you to give them your money but I won't discourage you from doing so. We're going to leave this one at "requires further investigation".
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