I ever tell you about the time I won the Austerity Program's remix contest and I got to make them cover any song I wanted and I made them cover the theme from Game of Death? It's true. It really happened.You can listen to that while we talk about the Bruce Lee Burger from Ginger Hop, described on the menu as...
So we've got a three meat sandwich and the closest thing to a vegetable on it is the pickle. What did the fuckin' thing taste like?
Well, first of all, it tastes like I'm going to lie to my fuckin' doctor.
Aside from that, it was rich. I have a bit of a stomach ache now and I can't stop sweating and I finished eating it twenty minutes ago. It was constructed fairly lopsided so half of this tasted like a bog standard bacon cheeseburger and the other half, the half where the pulled pork was piled, tasted like a big wad of pork. Decently seasoned, salt & pepper, nothing much beyond that, nothing that I could taste, anyhow. The dijon and pickles added hues of savory and sour to a sandwich that was otherwise plain ol' meat on a bun - which isn't a slight. I like plain ol' meat on a bun. And that's not a porny thing, either. I mean, it is but it isn't. When I was at my local's cookout this summer, what was the first thing I ate? A fuckin' hamburger patty on a fuckin' bun and no fuckin' condiments because, goddamnit... Actually, there is no "because" unless I want to start embedding clips of Alex Jones ranting about meat but then we would just get into some real dark place and this is not a place for dark places, this is a doofus ass blog about sandwiches. (As opposed to a sandwich blog about doofus asses.) (And, no, I'm not looking up "doofus ass porn", there are just some lines I'm not willing to cross.) (But you go ahead and do you, boo, and be sure to come on back and tell me whether you got put on a list after you Googled "doofus ass".)
AANNYYway, yes, yes yes yes, plain ol' meat on a bun. We're talking hamburger, bacon, pulled pork, not BBQ pulled pork, nothing was marinated or smoked or slow roasted or anything like that, unless you consider the pulled pork was probably done in a crock or a Dutch oven or something and that the flavor profile rested heavily on the mustard and pickle, and the bun was a bit, uh... It's like this. It would remind you of a canburger.
And the cheese? You know if you can see it but you can't taste it, it must be...
So there it is, the Bruce Lee burger, a burger that combines a bacon cheeseburger with a Cubano and was named after a man who famously avoided grain products because he thought they were just empty carbs and probably didn't make a habit of eating three-meat sandwiches, which is why he could do two-finger pushups and rip Coke cans apart one-handed. He probably ate a lot of what I'm going to eat tonight: A whole lot of goddamned vegetables.
Out of the three menu items I've had the last three days, this one was probably, admittedly, the tastiest. How can you go wrong? Beef and two kinds of pork with fuckin' pickles. It was also the most painful. My guts hate me, I only just now stopped sweating, and I am fucking tired as fuck right now. Just totally fucking sleepy. This is no way to live. I mean, unless this was midnight and I was sleeping alone because I bet you I'm going to get gassy here in a minute.
While the kimchi Rachael was the default winner on the Twitter poll and the Bruce Lee was the best tasting despite losing with only one vote, the salmon burger, despite it's gigantic glaring fault, is the winner out of these three, the one I will most likely order again, if I ever go back to this place, because, no lie, this place was fucking pricey. (Psst! If anybody wants to help fund my scientific explorations, I accept one-time donations, none of that weird recurring debit card charge Patreon stuff. Just, you know, throw ya boy a few bones for lunch. Once, maybe twice. A quarter, a quarter million, whatever is in your heart. Or wallet, really.)
Oh and by the way, I'm having a little Xmas shindig, you're all invited to attend even if only virtually. I'll be streaming Black Christmas on my Twitter on Xmas Day, tentatively scheduled for 1700 GMT-6 (5PM Central).
There will be no sandwiches. Well, you can make a sandwich if you want but I'll either make popcorn or eat some vegan tacos or something because I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to eat meat until January after this fuckin' thing.
A Black Angus beef patty, Swiss cheese, pulled pork, bacon, pickles and dijon mustard on a sesame seed bun. $9.50... so it reads like a hybrid between a bacon cheeseburger and a Cubano and looks like this:
Well, first of all, it tastes like I'm going to lie to my fuckin' doctor.
Aside from that, it was rich. I have a bit of a stomach ache now and I can't stop sweating and I finished eating it twenty minutes ago. It was constructed fairly lopsided so half of this tasted like a bog standard bacon cheeseburger and the other half, the half where the pulled pork was piled, tasted like a big wad of pork. Decently seasoned, salt & pepper, nothing much beyond that, nothing that I could taste, anyhow. The dijon and pickles added hues of savory and sour to a sandwich that was otherwise plain ol' meat on a bun - which isn't a slight. I like plain ol' meat on a bun. And that's not a porny thing, either. I mean, it is but it isn't. When I was at my local's cookout this summer, what was the first thing I ate? A fuckin' hamburger patty on a fuckin' bun and no fuckin' condiments because, goddamnit... Actually, there is no "because" unless I want to start embedding clips of Alex Jones ranting about meat but then we would just get into some real dark place and this is not a place for dark places, this is a doofus ass blog about sandwiches. (As opposed to a sandwich blog about doofus asses.) (And, no, I'm not looking up "doofus ass porn", there are just some lines I'm not willing to cross.) (But you go ahead and do you, boo, and be sure to come on back and tell me whether you got put on a list after you Googled "doofus ass".)
AANNYYway, yes, yes yes yes, plain ol' meat on a bun. We're talking hamburger, bacon, pulled pork, not BBQ pulled pork, nothing was marinated or smoked or slow roasted or anything like that, unless you consider the pulled pork was probably done in a crock or a Dutch oven or something and that the flavor profile rested heavily on the mustard and pickle, and the bun was a bit, uh... It's like this. It would remind you of a canburger.
Out of the three menu items I've had the last three days, this one was probably, admittedly, the tastiest. How can you go wrong? Beef and two kinds of pork with fuckin' pickles. It was also the most painful. My guts hate me, I only just now stopped sweating, and I am fucking tired as fuck right now. Just totally fucking sleepy. This is no way to live. I mean, unless this was midnight and I was sleeping alone because I bet you I'm going to get gassy here in a minute.
While the kimchi Rachael was the default winner on the Twitter poll and the Bruce Lee was the best tasting despite losing with only one vote, the salmon burger, despite it's gigantic glaring fault, is the winner out of these three, the one I will most likely order again, if I ever go back to this place, because, no lie, this place was fucking pricey. (Psst! If anybody wants to help fund my scientific explorations, I accept one-time donations, none of that weird recurring debit card charge Patreon stuff. Just, you know, throw ya boy a few bones for lunch. Once, maybe twice. A quarter, a quarter million, whatever is in your heart. Or wallet, really.)
Oh and by the way, I'm having a little Xmas shindig, you're all invited to attend even if only virtually. I'll be streaming Black Christmas on my Twitter on Xmas Day, tentatively scheduled for 1700 GMT-6 (5PM Central).
There will be no sandwiches. Well, you can make a sandwich if you want but I'll either make popcorn or eat some vegan tacos or something because I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to eat meat until January after this fuckin' thing.
Comments
Post a Comment