OK.
Where to begin?
Clearly with an apology for the lack of flattering lighting.
See, GF and I went out for late dinner last night, which is more difficult than it sounds because every place we wanted to go closed at nine and this was a quarter to eight when we were discussing dinner and there are only so many times you can order TacoCat or the Looch. We settled on Anchor Fish & Chips, drove up to Northeast - I’m over referring to it as Nordeast - and walked up to the joint, looked in the window, figured we’d be banging elbows with other guests, and kept walking down the block to the Sheridan Room, which had caught GF’s eye.
It was loud in there but there was a lot more space.
I ordered the Reuben, she got the buffalo chicken sandwich.
She said hers wasn’t the best. Then it was just OK. Then it wasn’t very good. Wishy-washy. I assume it was just OK.
My Reuben? Well… They put this cheese on there, on the paper menu listed as bergkäse but online as gruyere - a so very cursory Googling of bergkäse that you don’t even have to click the Wikipedia link reveals that gruyere is a type of bergkäse… I don’t know. They could just say gruyere but I guess they went with bergkäse on the paper menus to make it seem unique or to stand out or something. “Bergkäse? I don’t know what that is but I have to order it!”
That wasn’t my reaction, I figured, “OK, so not Swiss,” and I looked at the pastrami but it has dijonaise on it and, well, no. That’s, well, stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I like Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey just fine but adding dijon mustard to your Provençal aioli? Why are you doing that? Don’t do that. And don’t call it dijonaise. That’s some - Was that Kraft or Hellmann’s who did that shit?
So I got this Reuben with this fancy cheese on it and their house made corned beef and house made sauerkraut and none of that made any difference because it tasted just like every other low-bar Reuben out there. The flavor of the sliced-so-thin-it-may-as-well-have-been-shredded corned beef and the melted all the way through cheese was completely overpowered by tangy kraut and thousand island combo. There was no smoke or savory from the meat and the cheese, for being trumped up with a name nobody gets, seemed to be employed for that bullshit white-chick stretchiness factor. Further, the cheese needs to be placed on both slices of the bread directly or at least on the bottom slice to keep the juices from the thousand island / kraut slaw and beef drippings from turning the bottom slice into a soggy mess. Simply toasting the bread does not prevent sog. The cheese serves a utilitarian function. If bergkäse gruyere is too expensive to double up on, go back to plain old Swiss. Maybe havarti. Fuck, Sysco provolone since none of the flavors on this sandwich matter to you aside from the thousand island / kraut slaw.
Anyway, I had to fork-and-knife my sandwich.
And they gave me, instead of the traditional dill spear, three sweet pickle chips. That was, uh, a little, uh, not bad (?) but, uh… Huh. OK.
And maybe it’s on me. Maybe I should have branched out, maybe I should have tried their “Big Ass Banh Mi” which - saints preserve us - includes deviled ham and is served on a focaccia. (And they spell focaccia wrong.)
A banh mi.
On a focaccia.
With deviled.
Fucking.
Ham.
I don’t know, it might be good. I shouldn’t slag it until I try it but I look at the menu and I’m wondering what they mean by “banh mi slaw” when the thing already had pickled carrots and daikon on it. Maybe they mean the cucumber, jalapeño, and cilantro. I don’t know. But deviled ham on focaccia? Please, I’m from Toledo. There’s only one delivery vehicle for deviled ham where I’m from and everybody knows it’s store-brand Ritz, it aint on a fuckin’ focaccia. But, hey, y’all want to do something innovative, you do you. And you kept it on the menu for a reason so people must be into it.
But that Reuben? It’s, uh… It doesn’t stand out. It has easily addressable flaws. The meat could be seasoned stronger, the cheese could be applied directly to both slices of bread to prevent sog (and by doubling up on it, people might taste what they’re paying for), you could use a teaspoon instead of a tablespoon to dole out the thousand island / kraut slaw so that the meat and cheese have a shot at some stage time. Go ahead, let the meat and cheese be like Jessie Spano and the dreadlocked white girl and push the Gina Gershon slaw down the steps and break the shit out of her leg. Turn the spotlight on the rest of your cast.
Actually, that doesn’t work because that’s how Nomi straight up stole the lead role in Showgirls, it had nothing to do with sharing spotlight.
Regardless, a Reuben is considered a corned beef sandwich and this, like so many other unfortunate Minneapolitan entries, is a cabbage and salad dressing sandwich. A couple tweaks and this sandwich could reveal more of what it has to offer. Might not be a contender for the best but if it at least had a balanced flavor profile, that would be a start.
Oh, and they played whack-ass Lady Gaga loud as fuck on the sound system and I wasn’t feeling that but primarily because it made me stare eyeball-to-eyeball at my inner shame over how I actually know what “Bad Romance” sounds like.
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